If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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