Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
