Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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