So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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