So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
