it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
