So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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