i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
