I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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