Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
