1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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