I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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