I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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