you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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