So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
