Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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