You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
