My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please don't give away my fajitas
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
