I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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