Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
