Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
