Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
