Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
