...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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