i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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