Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
