So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
