I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
