even my farts smell like vagina
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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