This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
