We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
