idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
