Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
