It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
