Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We just shotgunned beers for America
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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