i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
