3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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