your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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