I can't watch pbs sober anymore
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
