I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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