last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
