im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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