I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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