I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
