you didnt know i had herpes?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
