Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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