I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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