dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
