I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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