Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What a dumb baby whore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
