OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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