mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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