I'm laying in your front yard are you home
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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