Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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