Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
did i walk over a car last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
