I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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