so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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