Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
