Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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