onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
