While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
