ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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