It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's the barista slut.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
