YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
